Are you lost?

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The last couple of years have been a rollercoaster.

Even if you extrapolate the lingering chaos of Covid, A Prime Minister being compared to an iceburg lettuce, and the cost of living crisis (Woo! England! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿)… on a personal level, it’s been nuts.

(I promise this has a happy ending — but maybe you’ll relate to some of the hardships along the way).

Since I was 10 years old, I knew I wanted to be a writer. Before that, I wanted to be a scientist (I got a D). Before that, I wanted to be a tree (I still think I could be a boss tree).

ANYWAY…

To be specific: I wanted to be a screenwriter. It was my north star throughout my teenage years as I took extra English lessons, read voraciously and paid £12,000 to attend a Creative Writing degree. I left with the highest grades in the class.

I knew I would be successful if I didn’t throw in the towel. That’s where most people fail, right? They give up. If you don’t give up, you haven’t failed.

After university, I worked shit job after shit job. Although I needed money, what I needed more was time to hone my craft. I got into marketing because that’s what every desperate creative millennial did.

The problem with shit jobs is that they are utterly draining. And so began a toxic loop of having a terrible time at work, feeling too exhausted to be creative, and either forcing myself through it or berating myself for being too lazy. My creative self had a direct line to my brain, yelling, “Jacob’s being a piece of shit because he didn’t write today!” and then my brain would go, “Roger that. I’ll release the misery hounds!” and squirt sad juice into my frontal lobe.

This is what writers deal with when honing their craft, right? Then they get successful and learn to be happy.

And so, as I reached my late twenties, I was accepted into the BBC Writersroom scheme. It’s the first major step to success and gives writers real credibility in the industry. I met with production companies who made shows like Chernobyl, Game of Thrones and Happy Valley.

I pitched idea after idea, and eventually, someone said yes!

Success!

Finally, I get to live out my dream as a screenwriter! I’m going to get paid to make a show! Woohoo!

I told all my friends and family. I dropped down to 4-days a week with lower pay in the hopes that I’d never have to face a shitty marketing job again once the show got made.

I was about to experience my dreams becoming a reality…

And it sucked.

It sucked so much that it annihilated my joy of writing. I faced indecisive execs, constant rewrites, exhausting schmoozing, pressure and self-doubt. I hated it. It wasn’t the life I wanted. Some people thrive in those kinds of environments. I do not.

I should have been fulfilled but felt emptier than ever.

The show got scrapped, and I was left with nothing. The north star guiding my life had suddenly faded away…

I was lost.

And we’ll leave the rest for my next email.

Oooooh, cliffhanger!

Spoiler alert: it does get better. A lot better.

Maybe you were in a similar boat as me, so you started your online business (if so, massive congratulations. It’s hard af but awesome, right?), or maybe you’re still lost and searching for a new way to find fulfilment in your work (if so, it’s okay. We’ll get you there).

In my next issue, I’ll talk about the steps I took to regain my self-identity and find a new star to follow. The best thing about email marketing is that it gives you a way to make money online and still express yourself creatively (I’ll go into that more too).

It’ll come out next Wednesday.

Peace,

– Jacob

P.S. Everything looks a bit different, huh? We’ve moved to Beehiiv, so you can now see the best of my previous issues! Moving forwards, you’ll be hearing from me every Sunday and Wednesday.

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